


by any other name (would still smell as sweet)

by pleasesupplymewithyourwahoos



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Enjoy? I guess?, Fluff, I saw that and Nureyev's aliases and I RAN WITH IT, Other, SO, This is pure fluff, and even that is fluffy as hell, and person b says no because a and b are dating and a starts crying, but hey to be fair the cabbage line was very funny, person a gets drunk and asks person b if they're single, specifically Peter shoutout to you peter, they are just vibing in space y'all, this fic is brought to you by the snpogciety gc, this is actually not horrible for something I wrote months ago?, with like two seconds of angst, y'all are weird, you know that meme that's like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27962129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasesupplymewithyourwahoos/pseuds/pleasesupplymewithyourwahoos
Summary: “So, Mr. Ransom got super drunk, and he tried flirting with Mr. Steel. He asked him if he was single and Mr. Steel said ‘Nope, I’m dating the lovely Peter Ransom’, and he’s been like that ever since.”There was silence in the kitchen for a brief second, save for the flowing water. Vespa shook her head in confusion, rubbing her hand against her temple. “But… he is Peter Ransom.”“I fucking know.” Juno deadpanned.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita & Juno Steel, Vespa Ilkay & Juno Steel, Vespa Ilkay & Rita
Comments: 27
Kudos: 239





	by any other name (would still smell as sweet)

**Author's Note:**

> this is literal crack it's just fluff it exists for no real reason, but do any of us, really? anyways enjoy!

“Ok, so is anyone actually going to explain why Ransom is sobbing in the bathroom?” Vespa yelled as she entered the kitchen. Rita giggled, and Juno simply sighed.

“We have a bit of a… situation,” He tried to explain, and Vespa scoffed.

“What kind of situation gets a master thief, don’t tell him I called him that, crying into a bathtub?”

Juno rolled his eyes and continued pouring out a glass of water as Rita spoke. “So, you know how we had that mission down on Proxima? Where Mr. Ransom had to infiltrate that bar?”

“Yeah…” Vespa replied warily.

“Well, Mr. Ransom thought it’d be real funny to try and steal some of that liquor.” Rita continued, “Except, it kinda turns out that Proximan alcohol is like, ten times stronger than anything we got.”

“And this explains the…” Vespa gestured vaguely towards Nureyev’s weeping figure, “... that, how?”

“I’m getting there, Ms. Vespa!” Rita giggled, “So, Mr. Ransom gets super drunk, and he tried flirting with Mr. Steel. He asked him if he was single and Mr. Steel said ‘Nope, I’m dating the lovely Peter Ransom’, and he’s been like that ever since.”

There was silence in the kitchen for a brief second, save for the flowing water. Vespa shook her head in confusion, rubbing her hand against her temple.

“But… he is Peter Ransom.”

“I fucking know.” Juno deadpanned, at which point she began to cackle in earnest.

“My, my, Steel,” She smirked, “You sure know how to pick ‘em.”

“Don’t I know it...” He chuckled, walking past Vespa and Rita towards the bathroom. Nureyev was still sprawled across the floor, his head and one arm in the tub, the other clasping a bottle as he sniffled.

“Hey babe,” Juno knelt next to him, “How’re you feeling?”

Nureyev groaned. “Like I’ve been stabbed seventeen times in various vital organs.”

“Yeah, that’ll be the liquor talking,” Juno smiled, as he ran a hand through Nureyev’s hair, which just made Nureyev start crying again.

“Oh, as if you don’t know, Juno!” He wept, as he leaned into Juno’s shirt, trying to hug Juno with one arm, “Alas, it is you, my love! You, who have struck me with your cruel words and vile temptations!”   
  


“Nureyev…” Juno murmured, trying to keep his voice down while stifling a laugh. For all his fancy words, Nureyev looked really silly right then.

“No, Juno!” Nureyev turned his face into Juno’s chest, clinging to his partner as he slid off the tub, “Don’t try to lead me astray with your words again! My heart cannot take it! It has been broken one too many times!”

Juno wrapped an arm around Nureyev as he fell into his lap, trying to smother his giggles as Vespa and Rita cackled from behind the door.

“I’m not going to ‘lead you astray’, babe.” Juno smiled, as he pushed the glass of water towards Nureyev, “I just wanted to give you some water.”

Nureyev stared at the cup for a few seconds, before grabbing it and downing it in one go. He sat still for a second before falling back onto Juno, wailing.

“Why, my love? Why must you leave me for another?”

“I hardly think you’d object to Peter Ransom…” Juno laughed, as he pulled Nureyev to his feet. He wobbled for a second before leaning on Juno.

“Where is this Peter Ransom?” He yelled, waving his free arm around, “I will challenge him! I will fight this cad, this cowardly sack of cold cabbage cutouts! I will challenge him to a duel for your hand!”

“Oh yeah?” Juno asked, trying and failing to hide his smile as he led Nureyev down the halls.

“Yes, my love!” Nureyev declared proudly, beaming at Juno, “He can not be allowed to live if he is set on stealing the chosen love of another, the love of my life, Juno dearest!” Juno could hear Rita squealing down the hall, and it took nearly all his strength not to do the same. “Whoever this dastardly man who has ensnared you and stolen your heart, he is no match for Peter Nure-!”

“Ok!” Juno cut in, with a nervous laugh, pushing Nureyev into their room as quickly as possible, before he could do anything else he’d regret. “I think that’s enough!”

“But, it’s true, Juno!” Nureyev giggled as he slumped on the wall, as he continued in a sing-songy voice, “I’d fight anyone for you!”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Juno replied, taking Nureyev by the waist and picking him up so he could carry him to the bed.

“You’re so strong, my Juno…” Nureyev slurred, still smiling, wrapping his arms around Juno’s neck, “So strong, and brave and…” He giggled again, leaning up towards Juno’s face, “Pretty…”

“Yeah?” Juno couldn’t resist, “You think I’m pretty?”

“Yuh-huh,” Nureyev nodded, serious as ever, “And very smart,” He tapped on Juno’s head, “Big detective brain…” He smiled into Juno’s neck, “And you make me happy… make me feel pretty…”

Juno laid Nureyev down gently on the bed, sitting next to him as he settled into the pillows and sheets. “You don’t need me to be pretty, Nureyev…” He said, “You do well enough already.”

“I know,” Nureyev smiled up at him, “But sometimes I forget… and I like remembering things with you.”

Juno smiled down at his boyfriend, running a hand through his hair. He turned away to turn the lights off when Nureyev reached out and grabbed his arm.

“No!” Juno froze as tears started rolling down Nureyev’s face again, “You have to stay!”

“Nureyev, I-”

“You- You promised you’d stay!” He sniffled, and Juno felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“Is- Is that what this is about?” He asked, gently wiping a tear away on Nureyev’s cheek.

Nureyev ignored him, still holding tight to Juno’s arm. “You promised that this time you’d stay…” He sobbed, “You said you’d stay… with me!”

Juno pulled Nureyev in, wrapping his arms around the thief’s neck as Nureyev continued crying into his chest. “I- I’m sorry, Nureyev.” He pressed a kiss into Nureyev’s hair, cupping his face as Juno spoke, “I promise I’m not going to leave.”

“Not even for Peter Ransom?” Nureyev asked, and Juno let out a laugh that was only half a sob.

“Not even for Peter Ransom,” He replied, “Or for all the Rex Glass’ and Duke Rose’s and Perseus Shah’s in the world.”

“You liked Duke Rose,” Nureyev mumbled, “And Rex Glass.”

“Not nearly as much as I like Peter Nureyev.” Juno smiled as he ruffled his thief’s hair, holding onto Nureyev as tight as he could. After a few seconds, he got up to switch off the light but Nureyev whined again.

“Juno!” He groaned, and Juno laughed. “You have to come back!”

“Yeah, but I also have to switch off the lights, babe.” He called back. Nureyev seemed to consider that for a moment, before letting go of Juno’s arm and squeezing his hand.

“Don’t let go, ok?”

Juno couldn’t help but smile as he replied. “Never.” He held tight on Nureyev’s hand as he flicked off the switch.

As soon as he did, Nureyev pulled him back into the bed, curling up on his chest when he did. Juno chuckled, and hugged Nureyev close, one hand on his back and the other in his hair.

“Juno…” Nureyev said after a moment of silence, “I love you.”

Juno chuckled, “I love you too.”

“More than Peter Ransom?”

Juno pulled Nureyev up to kiss him gently, pressing kisses into his cheeks and forehead as the thief slid back down. “Much, much more.”

Nureyev hummed happily, “Wait till he hears that I got the pretty lady…” He mumbled, smugly.

Juno smiled, rubbing circles into Nureyev’s back, watching calmly as Nureyev’s eyes fluttered shut.

“I love you…” He whispered into the thief’s hair, even though Nureyev was far too sleepy to register it. If Juno had managed to stay awake 20 seconds longer, he’d have heard Nureyev’s slurred reply.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me about penumbra on tumblr @vespaaurinkos and on twitter @howdoiaddtext


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